Idiots in the Snow

If there's one thing I've learned about Seattle in the 16 years I've lived here, it's that the only truly "safe" vehicle on the road out here is a tank. Everything else is fair game.

The drivers are borderline insane in this drippy, hippy Disneyland. The blinker knob? May as well be non existent, for all the action it gets. I can count the number of times I've seen it used in a year - ANY YEAR - on one hand. Probably blow off a couple of fingers while I'm at it. Road rage is turning into our national pastime,and I'm as susceptible to it as anyone. I can't drive with a gun in the car anymore, I don't dare; I will shoot someone, sure as anything. My temper is vindictive and malevolent, and I will gleefully empty a clip into one of those pompous Ford Escalades when it tries to cut me off/run me off the road (it's happened before) because the driver is clearly suffering from size envy.

People are fucking insane, but give them a car and it's like you've just promoted them to their own private Idaho.

So it snowed here in the big city yesterday. Started lightly in the morning, picked up momentum in early afternoon, and by 4pm it was kicking ass. My wife had an appointment at the eye doctor, and they dilated her eyes so I had to drive for her. We left Bellevue at 4:37.

We didn't get home to Renton until 8:58. A 35 minute drive took just under four and a half hours.

I saw accidents on top of accidents, cars abandoned by the side of the road and ambulances every 15 minutes. I saw a seven car accordion sandwich that looked like everyone was ignoring both the speed limit and the snow...And paid heavily for it. I avoided the interstate & took every back road and shortcut I knew, keeping to the country trailsmore than anything. It didn't make a difference.

Some guy in a Volkswagen was doing at least 50 in the open back roads and almost rammed us because he couldn't stop in time. I watched with horror as I realized his car was fishtailing wildly out of control - and straight into us. I rolled the dice and pulled into the left hand lane - and oncoming traffic - just to watch the fuckroast hit the sidewall and come to an abrupt halt.

Fuck him. I kept on driving.

I saw people holding cellphones while trying to navigate the snowy, icy roads, and not looking at where they were going. This left me gobsmacked, some people don't fucking learn until the floor is giving way beneath them.

Caren was completely blind, and oblivious to most of this, but she felt our Mazda Protoge' do the occasional fishtail, or lose traction on an incline.This is my seventh or so time getting caught in Seattle weather, and I knew the rules: Speed is your enemy. Keep your concentration, and always play it safe. Give surrounding cars plenty of warning as to what your intentions are on the road. Don't lose your temper.

Yesterday, I think I was the only one who was following that. But then again...I made it home in one piece. My car is still in the garage and my wife is safe. I don't have to pay insurance for negligent homicide, or to have my car towed from under a 5 foot snow drift.

And to the guy in the Volkswagen: I hope you're okay. But I wouldn't cry all night if you weren't.