My secret weapon: Dim Sum

I didn’t eat anything last night, because I knew we were going out for Dim Sum today and I wanted to be ready & packin’ an artery. Actually, I only had coffee yesterday, so by the time we got to the restaurant I was ready to carve into the hostess. I would have drank water from a fishbowl and not cared.

Dim Sum is kind of like beer: You have to be educated, especially if you don’t have a normal diet of Chinese food to begin with. If you are used to the more adventurous side of the menu then Dim Sum will be a treat. I have often taken my non-Chinese friends to Dim Sum with me, and I always try to guide the newbies through the minefield of things that LOOK good, but will be a horrible surprise when you bite into it. And believe me, peppered chicken’s feet isn’t the worst that could happen to you.

Also, where you go makes a huge difference. This is a Chinese delicacy, the last thing you need is to eat a low-rent version of fried alligator penis. My wife has taught me a valuable method for detecting good Dim Sum: Watch the old people. If you see some 80 year old woman willing to climb a flight of steps for some rice, it must be DAMN GOOD. Also, the yellow-to-gweilo ratio: More White people than Chinese doesn’t automatically mean bad food, but it’s never a good sign.

Dim Sum isn’t like normal Chinese cuisine, it hangs around for several hours after you eat. I am writing this about 5 hours later, including a nap, and I’m not hungry at all. It’s like a boat anchor, you can go about the rest of your day knowing that your stomach is securely fastened down.

But the food is sooooooo worth the trouble: Minced pork steamed in an egg skin wrapper. Fried sweet dumplings. Jalapeno pepper fried squid. Steamed buns stuffed with chinese barbecued pork. Flat noodles wrapped with shrimp. Baked custard. Glutinous rice with minced pork and mushrooms steamed in a bamboo leaf. Cover that bastard with some hot sauce and you're in BUSINESS.

The only problem I have with Dim Sum is a slight touch of traditionalism: Dim Sum comes from a term, “Num Cha”, which simply means “Drink tea”. Originally, you didn’t go to a restaurant and start honkin’ into some chow, you had a “small bite” of something while you drank tea and read your paper. It wasn’t originally meant to be a meal per se. So with that in mind, they only serve tea or water to drink.

No coffee.

Which to me is like saying “You must live with only bone and muscle, no blood.”

So it’s not unusual for me to make some in a to-go cup at home & come in with it. Lately, Gary has been making a thermos of it & we just drink it at the table, which always gets a few stragglers over to us asking for a teacupful. And a host of others casting wistful glances over thier shoulders like so many moths gathered around a lightbulb.

Since we are stone regulars, the place lets us get away with it. But since they are Chinese, they will be damned to hell and back before admitting that coffee might be a good idea.

If you live in Seattle, check out Top Gun Chinese restaurant for Dim Sum, in Factoria. They have been around for about 10 years now, and have a deserved reputation as the best.