Post Thanksgiving Update

300 years later…And still stickin’ it to the redskins!!!

Umm…Waiterminute. I AM one of those Redski-

SONOFABITCH!!

You know what I wouldn’t mind? If a group of pasta-swilling Italians had beat the Puritans to the punch. Really, I’m not that big a fan of turkey, but man, I could put away some Lasagne!!! I admit, it would be difficult to put up with conversations all day involving such witty banter as; “Wassa matta you?” “Wassa matta me? Wassa matta you?” “You wassa matta!” But still…Stromboli instead of stuffing.

I could get behind that.

THE SPICE GIRLS ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!

This is bigger than when they broke up! Now, as sad as it sounds, I have always loved the Spice Girls. As if Disco music wasn’t bad enough, I have every Spice Girl CD ever made. In spite of all that, I’m not gay. Isn’t that weird?

These are the days I wish I could just disappear for a couple of months...

So I survived Thanksgiving, and Black Friday beyond it. But now we’re into the swing of the holidays, and it’s that special time of year again: The time when I’m screwed. Or, NOT screwed, depending on how you look at things.

It goes like this: Caren, my wife of ten years, was born on December 13. A little over a week before Christmas. And she wants presents (MEANINGFUL presents) on both days. I, to all of you who aren’t aware of it, am a male. (You might not be aware of it, the whole Spice Girls thing is awfully questionable) Therefore, I am insensitive. In other words, I don’t have a friggin’ CLUE as to what I should get her. An Ipod? A Zune? Another White guy who will put up with this shit? Every year I wrack my nerves to think of perfect holiday gifts, and every year I barely squeak by.

New Website

I’m finally updating my website (a first in FOUR YEARS!!) and taking off all the crap I had on it involving other people who didn’t give a rat’s ass about me. It’s one thing to stick your neck out for people you think are friends, it’s another to realize they put you on a guillotine. I mentioned what I was doing in class the other night and one of my students said “You should have done that over a year ago”. Wow, talk about dense. I didn’t realize so many people saw it and I didn’t. Crap. Gotta work on those comprehension skills!

Seminar in March

So, if you didn’t know by now, I’ll be in Des Moines, Iowa in March giving a seminar at Jay Carstensen’s school. I’ll make another announcement and update in a couple of months, but since Jay is advertising now, I thought I should augment that. So few things ever happen on Jay’s blog. The seminar is going to be intrinsic-comprehensive, and I’ll be cramming as much training in a weekend as humanly possible. Friday night will have a special clinic on Rikesan Silat (Jointlocks, Nerve Strikes & Limb Destructions). Everybody bring some Advil. I guarantee you’ll need it.

Dispatch Warlock and Ajax…To bring back his body!

Flash Gordon has got to be the biggest disappointment on SciFi T.V. today. I had such high hopes. What kind of modern television show complete with CGI is put in the shade by a cheesy early 80’s flick with bad special effects and a rockin’ soundtrack by Queen it’s only good point? Shouldn’t that be the other way around? At least the new DVD set of the 1981 movie was just released, and it's worth a view.

Battlestar Galactica equals HELL YES! I just watched “Razor” tonight, and no more episodes until March. Unless the writer’s strike keeps on.

Moving on…

A guy named Andrew posted a link on my comments section about a craft beer and specialty wine shop in Redmond that just opened up. He didn’t know that this was actually a mile from my office, so on a whim I drove down last week to check it out, see what the prices were like.

Oh Andrew, how can I ever thank you? Apparently, Andrew is a writer as well, here’s a link to his site: http://blog.dawnsrise.com

I owe this man a great debt. Andrew, wherever you are, I hope you are taking time out this holiday season to Spice up your life! If I ever make it big as a writer, I’ll…Think of you often!

About Malt and Vine

Doug Engler and his wife Lizzie have opened what could very well be called my downfall: A beer shop that stocks every style I love, with excellent prices and convenience to work. Malt & Vine captivated me from the second I walked in: Rows upon rows of Belgian Ales, Trappist Ales, various specialty beers and holiday brews. In one section I found a row of 2006 Gouden Carolous, Grand Cru of the Emperor. I bought his entire stock of it, as well as a few bottles of Christmas Draak, Gouden Carolous Noel, Chimay Grand Reserve (of course!!) and Kwak. Doug took some time to speak with me about his shop, and gave me a good price on wholesale cases of Chimay as well, which I promptly started ordering through him. His prices beat all my other sources HANDS DOWN. On top of that, he’s opening an aging warehouse next door, where you can rent a space for as little as $15.00 a month to keep your beers at 50 degrees all year round so they age perfectly.

I’m in deep shit now.

I went in again before Thanksgiving, just to check his stock, and Doug walks up to me and says; “I have a new case of Grand Cru 2006 vintage, if you’re interested I’ll give you first crack at it.”

Way wrong thing to offer me, Doug. After getting a good price from him, I walked out with the whole crate. It’s sitting under my stairs, and marked “Do not open until 2010”.

Check out Malt & Vine at: Malt and Vine

If you live in the Redmond area, give them a try. They are about half a mile from the Three Lions pub.

More on the weird religious front...

I found this on a site for "Christian Spanking" (I'll post another article about THAT later) and am currently undergoing reconstructive surgery for my jaw hitting the goddam floor...

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK???

It's apparently supposed to help you teach your kids about sex.

Uh-huh.

The message here being that sex involves pink furry beings that you copulate with. And I thought tentacle sex was weird. That girl can't be older than four, IS SHE REALLY FONDLING HER DAD'S BALLS??

Speaking of weird

The German Ninjas are back at spamming my youtube account. Y’know, of all the things I imagined I would see in my life, of all the obstacles I would encounter during my travels along the martial path, I never, in a million years, would have dreamed that GERMAN NINJAS would be at the forefront. Between them and the Silat Concepts loser, I barely have enough time to gasp for air as the laughter escapes my lungs. One of them actually suggested I TRAIN WITH STEPHEN HAYES TO LEARN REAL MARTIAL ARTS!!

Hoo-boy. Hold on a sec.

Nope, sorry. Still giggling uncontrollably.

You have offended my family, and you have offended the Shaolin Temple.

So Alien Boy, his wife Amanda and her brother Chad dragged me off to a pub for quiz night Wednesday. I have to admit, out of what looked like over a hundred competitors split into teams, we did good, came out in a tie for 6^th place. Amanda rocked the movie questions, Chad saved us on who played “The Wizard” in Taxi Driver (can you guess without looking it up?) and Todd did cleanup on various facts. For the tiebreaker, here comes the deuce: What year did Bruce Lee die?

Amanda turns to me with a look that says “If you ever had a destiny in life, tonight must be it. This was ordained by the Gods set upon high lo, these many years ago. Join us, Bobbe”. I dunno, I could be wrong. That was a lot to read in one look.

But as anybody who has trained with Inosanto can tell you, that painting with his birth and death dates are always in the middle of the school. Sometimes you stare at it for no other reason than it’s the biggest thing on the wall. And you can’t help but remember:

1973.

And the Four Monkeys of the Apocalypse take sixth place!!! It was my finest hour.

I was never a big Bruce Lee fan, but he paid my bar bill that night, so he can’t be all bad.

One of these mornings

Won’t be very long

You will look for me

AND I’LL BE GONE!