I have to start this by saying that the last four months have been something that only on my deathbed will be far from my thoughts. The pain of this kind of injury is, to be blunt, unbearable. It's like being tortured, and there are a few times that I have come close to drinking myself to death instead of enduring another night of it. I have had to completely stop taking Oxycodone because I came close to OD-ing on it with the booze. I have to take a near-lethal dose along with an entire bottle of 85 proof rum to be able to sleep. Waking up vomiting is not the biggest thrill I've ever had, but in retrospect, I'm extremely thankful that I did at least WAKE UP. At the moment, I am taking an oral steroid that's doing a pretty good job of lessening the pain. At least, I can get to sleep at night. I was supposed to go in for surgery tomorrow. As it stands, they want to try cortisone injections into my spine first. So we are looking at a few months of that, before anything else.
I would not have been able to endure this without my friends, and to be honest, I didn't realize how many I actually had. People have sent emails, called, dropped by or sent care packages, and I am deeply grateful to you all. I don't want to harp on this subject too long, I hate talking about it. BUt hearing from you guys made all the difference in what I did with myself some days.
Some good news: I am able to write again! I have a laptop set up downstairs to work on, and I finally was able to finish "A Matter of Time", and if I still like it next week I'll shoot it off to Science Fiction Analog. I'll return to finish the next chapter of "A Dreadful Aspect" and hopefully post it by this weekend, and I have another chapter of Broken Horizon coming out as well. Since I haven't seen any movies or been able to walk outside much, I can't really fill anyone in with my usual insight into today's world, so you'll have to go to another blog for that. Pick anyone in my sidebar, they're all good.
You'll hear from me again this weekend, so drop by.
18 comments:
"I have to start this by saying that the last four months have been something that only on my deathbed will be far from my thoughts. The pain of this kind of injury is, to be blunt, unbearable."
Yes! It's pretty damn outrageous, innit? I really think I may have some sort of PTSD related to it. It is indeed like having a tireless inquisitor hovering over you all the time with instructions not to let you: rest, piss, shit, sit down, lie down, stand up...
"I have had to completely stop taking Oxycodone because I came close to OD-ing on it with the booze."
I have an aversion to opiates. I did it without any pills. I also don't drink to any appreciable extent.
Marijuana was the only thing that really helped anyway.
If you don't mind my asking, what is the oral steroid they have you on? I may look into doing a course of something like that...
"As it stands, they want to try cortisone injections into my spine first."
By the way... Not having seen the MRIs I can't really say one way or another, but how are steroid injections supposed to heal what is effectively a mechanical problem of calcified disk goo chiseling into nerve roots?
Further, let's say that in the short term it helps. What's to prevent it from happening again or worse?
Why did they make that decision at the last minute?
I cannot easily explain how happy it makes me to see a post from you Bobbe, so I won't bother. I know you hate that mushy crap anyway. ;)
I look forward to coming by for a chat to catch up when you are ready for it. I have been absent for a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with you, but I really miss our conversations.
I know how you feel about woo-woo stuff so instead of sending you good vibes or something I have been feeding the souls of small children to elder gods on your behalf.
And worrying, lots of worrying, cause it is what I do. Never underestimate the power of an Olympic class worry-wart.
Hope to chat soon.
We are still here for you man.
I didn't call as often as I wanted to not be a pest for one and to let you rest for two.
I would love to chat with you so let me know when's a good time, brother.
"Marijuana was the only thing that really helped anyway."
I'm so far out of the loop, I wouldn't know where to score that without ending up in jail with a bad back. As to why they went with spinal injections, I think it's the step-before-surgery thing, in case they get sued or something. "Doctor, did you try everything possible?" I myself asked what it was supposed to cure, since the herniation is pressing so far into my spinal cord that its denting it. They said that there was a possibility that it would even go back into the disc. I replied that after 7 years, I doubted such a miracle would happen.
The steroid I'm on now is Prednisone, and I'm supposed to taper it off in a week. It works for day-to-day pain relief, but only enough so I can get to sleep.
Hey Worg, if you don't mind my asking, what were the after effects of your surgery? You mentioned that you still had some problems.
Jason, I look forward to seeing you!
Jay, call anytime! I'm awake and sober now!
If the steroids fix it, then more power to them. If they don't at least you'll already be in line and have your paperwork in order. Glad you're on your feet, or at least sitting comfortably on your butt.
Cheers and tears Brother. Your predicament has been a regular concern at our house. I had to tell them the sad news last night.
I recall from my shoulder (not that I'm equating it as on the same level) that the Dr. did the same protocol with me. Several weeks of PT (when I had been self treating for years, this was not a recent thing). Then finally two seperate injections of cortisone spread out over 12 weeks. First worked and wore off after a week. After that first week I had a glimpse of what it must be like for a crack head after the first hit. I wanted that lack of pain back.
After I went back nearly crying 6 weeks after he finally gave me the second set and it hadn't helped a bit, he immediately turned about face and authorized surgery for when I was ready.
It was then that I new it was leading to that the first day he saw me. He knew right then I needed surgery. He just had to follow the official protocols for liability sake and string me along knowingly.
i ended up condeming myself to more painful PT before caving and scheduling the surgery after a much to spirited workout with Mushtaq.
But the extended PT did put me in a better position to come out of the surgery faster having laid more groundwork.
Hope I can catch you on the phone yet. Been calling sporadically (even Cole is calling). We have much fun stuff to catch up on all around.
Cortisone helped a lot (temporarily) with my tendinitis, but I have a hard time seeing how it'll dissolve calcium deposits. The good news is, it will relieve pain and reduce inflammation in the muscles & other soft tissues around the area. Arguably that'll make the surgery easier & increase the chance of a successful outcome. It's still irritating that they decide that at the 11th hour, but these days the approach to surgery is last-possible-resort.
I was on Prednisone for asthma once, for I think 3-5 days. I definitely noticed the side effects even in that short a time.
Keep us posted: we're thinking of you.
Be careful with the prednisone, I have heard of joint-deterioration under long-term use.
But, I'll bet you can find a doctor that will give you a medical marijuana card since you have a chronic condition.
Worry not, the Bud will find you, grasshopper...
-Be well, my friend,
John @ Dojo Rat
"Hey Worg, if you don't mind my asking, what were the after effects of your surgery? You mentioned that you still had some problems."
Did I already comment on this and it just hasn't been approved?
Basically, some minor aches and pains and roughly one more serious pain episode per year. There are warning signs that happen first (stiffness, weird contact pains on my lower back which are presumably related to inflammation).
I can't roll around on the ground to any extent. I can do upright silat and kali. I can run and lift pretty easily provided that the weights start out at waist level. Deadlifts are right out.
But, the fact that I can do MA at all should tell you something. With your newly recalibrated pain threshold (which is now permanently on the "Salem Witch Trials" setting) you will basically feel like there's no problem at all :)
As I've said before I will tell you some stretches and easy exercises that I've developed for either keeping pains away or staving them off once they happen. If you're worried about the aftereffects, don't be-- at least in my case they've been negligible.
Jesus, it wasn't for bad luck you wouldn't be having any at all, would you?
My son-in-law went through the same shit. Lotsa dope, steroids -- not the kind that help you build muscle -- and finally they figured it wasn't going swimmingly so, they sharpened the scalpels.
The good thing is that you are in the system and treatment is ongoing. Either they cure you or kill you at some point.
Hang in there.
"I have had to completely stop taking Oxycodone because I came close to OD-ing on it with the booze."
I want to go on record that I warned Bobbe about Heath Ledgering himself quite a while ago. So I'm gonna get in a preemptive, "I told you so", because I don't think that will be very appropriate after the fact.
Remember Bobbe, Caren's already given me first dibs on all your shit.
Pain and awake is better than pain and unconsciousness, but there are days you'll feel that isn't true. I once spent a summer flat on my sofa on vicodin, watching Lost in Space reruns while my house was infested with hobo spiders. Deciding whether you want to watch necrotizing spiders bite you, and not be able to stop them, or have them bite you while you dream, not an easy question to answer.
some of the best writing of the Victorian age came from tuberculosis patients finding something to do while trapped in bed for months at a time. Good luck.
Wait! Todd Erven is at a computer?!?! When did this happen? How did he break out of the "5th of November" time/space continuum warp of his own making?
He's ALIVE!!
Good to hear form you Bobbe, really good. Sorry to hear you won't be expecting any relief too soon, and wish I could offer more than words of encouragement and positive energy.
>"Either they cure you or kill you at some point."<
You get asked to speak at a lot of children's hospitals, don't you Steve?
Hey good to hear you are getting better. Be careful with the steroids and cortisone they can help reduce swelling but are not good for long term use. I've known people who have had back and joint injuries and cortisone injections seem to be used openly as band-aids not permanent fixes.
Best of luck and I hope to train with you someday.
-Brian
One other thing to point out here is the fact that any kind of non-steroid antiinflammatory except aspirin pretty much (APAP, ibuprofen) will destroy your liver if taken with alcohol for any length of time. It's better not to go there at all with opiates, and if your opiate is a cocktail with one of the above, stay away from the booze when on it. This killed my uncle, it's a horrible way to go.
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