Star Trek

I finally got around to writing this...

I was able to sneak away from my in-laws for a few hours & saw the new Star Trek last week. My readers may remember a warning I shot J.J. Abrams a few years ago, prophesying his imminent death if he screwed this up.

Looks like he gets to live. It doesn’t make up for the travesty that was “Cloverfield”, but at least he’s purchased some goodwill from me for any new films he makes.

Star Trek works. The new look isn’t a re-telling of an old theme per se, it’s more of an “alternate reality” episode. It works under the conditions that our version of Star Trek is still going on, and gives us a really good take on the Kirk/Spock dynamic, as well as fleshed-out roles for the other characters.

Nobody gets to the Enterprise the way they did in the original (they were all assigned). Kirk has to be finagled aboard by his buddy McCoy because he is under investigation for possibly cheating on the Kobiyashi-Maru. The charges are laid against him by Spock, whose distaste for Kirk is evident on his face in every shot they are in together. If the plot was racing along up until there, it hits the NOS button and disappears into horizon for the rest of the flick.

A group of renegade Romulans has time-traveled to the past after their planet is destroyed to avenge themselves on the Federation. After destroying the ship that has Kirk’s father (and little Kirk-in-the-oven, who escapes with mom) they set their sights on Vulcan. Which they destroy with embarrassingly efficient cold-bloodedness, putting the Vulcans on the endangered species list just about two points beneath the Komodo Dragon.

The Enterprise changes hands more times than the Ark of the Covenant did in “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, and we pretty much have to hang on for the ride as each successive captain goes to the radical left of the previous one’s mission. Kirk and Spock alternate turns in the hotseat, with equally unbelievable methods of trading positions of power.

I know, I know. It's "Star Trek". It's Science Fiction. It's SUPPOSED to be a little fantastic. Well, it accomplishes that much, but I'm afraid it leaves the realm of "Fantastic" and falls off into "Oh, Come-Bloody-ON!"

The climax of the Romulan/Everyone Else space combat scene where they all come together is the payoff, however. Watching Kirk and Spock act as a team is rewarding to see, and the final solution from Kirk didn't feel cheap even though he chose not to go with the moral high ground. It was kind of refreshing to see Spock say "Kill the fuzzy fuckers and let's get some pizza".

One thing I will say here and now; This movie was excellently cast, and if the script lacked some heart, the actors covered it with their portrayals.

Zachary Quinto is almost more believable as Spock then Leonard Nimoy, and believe me, I don’t hand that out lightly. Karl Urban’s McCoy is alternately gripping and hilarious, and Simon Pegg is ridiculously great as Scotty, and brings a healthy dose of that dry British wit to the plot.

Leonard Nimoy has a juicy role here, as “Spock from the future”, and quips many of his most-famous lines from former movies. The thing is, he seems to have been given the role with very little though put into his appearance. Oh, it’s all EXPLAINED very well, but if you ask me, it doesn’t work. We hear “live long and prosper” “I have been, and always shall be, your friend” and “Jim, my old friend” within two minutes, all at once. It’s almost as if they were thrown in there to fulfill the obligatory Vulcan lines every damn Star Trek movie/T.V. Show/animated series has to have.

I don’t know if Abrams took my warning to heart or just threw it in there gratuitously, but there’s a semi-nude love scene with a female Orion cadet and Kirk…You remember those green chicks from the original Trek, the ones you fantasized about when you were 11? (What? That was just me? What gives here?). I will buy the DVD for that reason ALONE. I hope to God someone does Orion porn one day, oh, please, ohpleaseohplease…

So, with that out of the way…

Star Trek comes in at barely two hours, and it could have used another 30 minutes of plot development. The movie cruises at warp speed through the script, and much of the sequencing feels rushed, like a cheerleader on prom night whose halfway through the formal dinner, knowing the all-star quarterback is chomping at the bit to get to the backseat of Dad’s car. It’s as if J.J. Abrams is trying to drag you to the end of the movie as fast as he can, with a minimal amount of actual “story” to occupy your time until the credits. It’s still good, mind you, and the character chemistry is fun to watch develop from disdain and hatred to the forming of the “Enterprise bridge crew” as we know it must eventually become. The best parts aren’t all in the trailer, it’s a movie that can hold it’s own against everything else that’s out today, But it plays more like a rock video than a full-length feature; Scenes are jarringly spliced together, plot changes happen for no apparent reason and the entire movie is played fast and loose, as if it doesn't have a legacy to live up to.

Some lines and scenes come off rather clever. But the scenes that don’t work REALLY don’t work, and in contrast with the really good scenes, man, do you notice it. I left the theater feeling a mixture of satisfaction at having gotten my matinee money’s worth ($10.00) and the feeling that somewhere, somehow, I had been ripped off. I’m anxious to see if the DVD gives us the rest of the story.

Still and all, Abrams caught the spirit of Trek right, if nothing else. It is indeed worth all the hype about it, and if you go see it in theaters you won’t be disappointed. But you might not be terribly impressed either.

Oh, I almost forgot: Spock's mother is played by Winona Rider. Remember when she was famous?

Me neither.