Some People Are Just More Subtle

Hey, moron: That thing that says "Caution, Hot"? What do you suppose that means?

Hot on the heels of Steve Perry's recent Silat war discrepancies, the last of the dinosaurs gurgling to death in the La brea tar pits has risen it's head to belch one last gasp my way.

From time to time, I get emails and catcalls from the, shall we say...less experienced Pencak Silat players out there. Particularly from the Dutch Indo Serak people. Since I have been online, almost every one of these fake-assed wannabes has sent me some form of moronic, pussy-sounding correspondence about how I (the ONLY one amongst them who has actually been to Indonesia) don't really know anything, and THEY all have the "one clear truth". I find this really amusing after I realized that I have trained in Indonesia longer than their own teachers did. And at an age where I could better understand the training to boot. I guess there's no lack of fools in Monrovia.

I don't really begrudge them this. No, seriously, I don't. To be honest, a person's point of view is only as good as their experiences. The less experienced will find it difficult to understand the broad spectrum of events that are happening around them, and for the most part will simply parrot their teacher's point of view until they develop their own. That is, always assuming they ever get around to developing their own. See, that's the trick, it's what separates a teacher from someone who is simply giving a class. Your students are not "your students", they don't belong to you. If you aren't cultivating their independence from you and the need for your guidance, you aren't teaching.

You're acting. Badly.

Below is a video rerun, my "Elements of Sapu" tutorial from my private training DVD set. No need to watch it if you've already seen it, I didn't add anything that wasn't there before.



Pretty straightforward, huh? You'd have to be pretty thick in the gray matter to miss the point entirely. I not only break down the mechanical elements of the technique, I do so in a way that even savagely gored rodeo clowns could understand it. If you watch that clip & don't at least glean a shaft of light from the holocaust of knowledge, you my friend need to give up martial arts and think about life as a blue collar worker. Because it's a pretty safe bet you'll be in your 40's & still working at a job that requires you wear a name tag.

Five minutes ago, I got this little missive from...let's call him a "concerned individual".

The second move you did was not even a sapu... also the way you setup and sweep will never work in a combat setting... you swept the person into your own leg...on what planet does that make sense.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a great example of how NOT to do it. If you are hoping to come across as something more than a pants-on-head-stupid nematode worm, you need to avoid using logical fallacies. For example, the above post was a sweeping (irony) logical fallacy known as generalization. No examples were given of how to do it RIGHT, simply that I was doing it wrong.

The second move you did was not even a sapu

"Sapu" is an Indonesian term meaning "Sweep", derivative of the root word "Menyapu" I could classify ANYTHING I do with my legs as a sweep. (This one is really my own fault...I have a terrible habit of holding people to a high standard, since it's what my teachers did with me. In America, I've only seen one or two examples of similar standards, the rest are pretty much hoping nobody calls bullshit on them)

also the way you setup and sweep will never work in a combat setting.

Never, NEVER say "What you are doing won't really work". If it has been done in a fight, or a "combat setting", (one wonders how close to "combat" the anonymous poster has ever been) then it CAN be done. Saying "That won't ever work" is synonymous with saying "It will never rain". These are always the people who end up in a thunderstorm saying "What the fuck??!" Also, what dictates a "combat setting" here? One attacker? three? An army of the dead? A retarded guy having an epileptic seizure with a butterknife? You have to be concise, you can't simply make a generalization or people will assume you just missed the boat in the brains department.

you swept the person into your own leg...on what planet does that make sense.

Ungh. Now I'm debating a nine year old. Well, infant, whatever planet you're living on? It sure as hell ain't Earth. Especially in light of the dozens of martial art masters who frequent my videos and inundate me with requests for the private training DVDs. You maybe should have tried this on someone who wasn't a writer, didn't go to college and never lived in Indonesia, nor did they train with a legend of Pencak Silat. Leave it to you guys...!

Okay little boy, let me guide you by the hand...Now, see that sweep I just did? If you look at the timer - Put that down and pay attention! - If you look at the time clock, at 1:02 I SHOW you where to go from there. ...Of course, I would only have to show someone the whole fucking thing if they lacked the imagination to apply the bone-basic, bog standard principles that any third grader in Jakarta knows with his eyes closed. ...Sorry, there I go again with that goddam standard.

Howzabout this: I'll lower it for you.

Actually, I take that back...I have to maintain SOME form of quality control, or else one day there's going to be oaths, lineage, mystical oogah-boogah, and then it's nothing but work, work, work.

After seeing the the fecal video offerings from your different camps, I can only say this: You guys are among the corn-in-the-turd log WORST martial artists I have ever seen. Lobotomized monkeys have more understanding about body mechanics than you do. I've seen quadruple amputees with epilepsy that have more martial ability than you lot. Sometimes I watch a video or two from your various online travesties when there aren't any Black Adder reruns on, and I've wanked out as much baby gravy from internet porn as I can possibly produce in a 30 minute period until I fall asleep at the keyboard with a kleenex in one hand my love bone in the other. If you're doing Pencak Silat, I'm fucking Jessica Alba.

And, much to my dismay, I'm NOT fucking Jessica Alba.

So fuck off, the lot of you. Nobody takes you seriously anymore, and your videos are a not-funny joke. The entire Pencak Silat community is laughing at you, like watching a group of circus clowns with leprosy that are trapped on a deserted island fight over the one crusty porn mag amongst you. Maybe you should have spent the last 10 years training instead of pointing your plastic fingers at everyone else. Novel idea, I know.

So, seriously guys...Next time?

Don't make it so easy for me. At least take the fish out of the barrel and put them in a larger tank.

I didn't really HAVE to do this. I could have ignored it. But personally? I think too many people have done exactly that for far too long. And I'm more than happy to drive the final nail into the coffin.