The Masters of Science Fiction

"From the very beginning we have wondered how life began, what our purpose is, and if we are alone."

I want you all to help me with a little experiment. First, I need you to go find a #2 lead pencil somewhere.

No, don’t keep reading to see where I’m going with this, go get the goddam pencil.

Right.

Now, take that pencil, and put it between your middle and ring finger, right into the web. Then I want you to squeeze the tips of those fingers for about 15 seconds.

You may have come to the sudden realization that THIS REALLY FUCKING HURTS!!

Congratulations, you have just been punished for one of two unforgivable sins:

1: Not watching “Masters of Science Fiction” when it premiered last year.

2: Not a one of you bastards to a man telling ME about it!!

How the hell did I miss this one?!?!

Actually, I know exactly how: ABC didn’t advertise the series very well, so I never knew of it’s existence until I was in Target last week, perusing the DVD section. I was thinking about picking up “Sweeny Todd”, and this little gem was sitting next to it. What it was doing there (in the wrong damn section) all by itself (I looked, there weren’t any other copies anywhere) is beyond me.

“Oh right” I thought “Another fly-by-night bullshit science fiction collection. Complete with suck-ass effects and a bunch of no-name wannabe actors. The writing was probably done by a kid who has yet to see his work actually published anywhere.” Being a kid who’s work has yet to actually be published anywhere myself, I somehow don’t feel the least bit hypocritical in passing this kind of judgment. Don’t as me why, I have no idea. Maybe being a beer snob is starting to overlap into other areas of my multiple personalities.

So anyway, I checked out the cover: John Hurt, Sam Waterson, Brian Dennehy, Malcolm MacDowell, James Denton, Anne Heche, James Cromwell, Sean Astin…What the freak-spank is going on here? These are some MAJOR players in Hollywood…How did they get roped into this turkey?

The writers were listed as well: Harlan Ellison, Robert Scheckley, Heinlein, John Kessel, Howard Fast…I must be on drugs. This cannot be. Surely I, the greatest self-appointed high priest of zombies, boobs and spaceships of the 21^st century would have HEARD of such a thing. Hell, they would have contacted me, somehow, to act as a consultant!!

Still, I was wary…Two years ago, I saw something similar (ironically, ALSO at Target) called “What the BLEEP Do We Know?!?” and thought it sounded great. The cover looked good, and the synopsis sounded fantastic; “Discover a world where science, philosophy and the infinite universe combine at the nexus of imagination”. It turned out to be a $40.00, 15 hour four-disc excursion to the most mind-numbingly dull pseudo-science combined with mysticism and religious overtones I have ever encountered. This is the kind of fecal dropping Mushtaq Ali would make if he snorted the remains of Hunter S. Thompson while watching reruns of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” after experiencing a 16-gauge blast at point blank range to the back of his cranium.

God will have his little joke.

So, let the record reflect that I was a touch skeptical. But then came the deal-breaker: The damn thing was narrated by STEPHEN MOTHERFUCKING HAWKING!!! The God of Science Fiction geeks worldwide, second only to Arthur C. Clarke (Dagon rest his soul) for sheer rock-star awe.

*SIGH* Okay, I’ll buy it.

Wow.

I’ll even say that backwards: Wow! This thing RAWKS!!! “Masters of Science Fiction is a collection of six short stories (a few of which were never even aired, due to poor advertising & nobody watching...Sound familiar, Firefly fans?) told in fantastic style. I got hooked after the first episode, and watched both DVD’s throughout to the end in one day.

"The Discarded" hit pretty hard for all you Bible-thumpers.

Each story is about an hour long, and even if you don’t like Science Fiction, these things are engrossing. My wife sat down with me halfway through the first episode, and got so into it she remained on the couch with me until it was over.

Caren HATES this kind of stuff. And she sat through 6 hours of it.

How long has it been since I actually RECOMMENDED a movie of some sort? I usually rip them to shreds. So take this as advice from the heart: You need to get this DVD. It’s GOOD. I’d even go so far as to say it’s GREAT, but then I’d sound too much like Tony the Tiger.

You can check out details and clips from the episodes HERE.

It would be difficult for me to pick out the BEST of them all, they’re kinda like the Twilight Zone…Each story has a message or a warning on issues that we currently face today, so each one will appeal to different crowds. My personal favorites are “The Discarded” by Harlan Ellison, and “A Clean Escape”, which is easily a warning about choosing who your leaders should be. I thought the writing and acting of these episodes in particular stood out against the others. “Jerry was a Man”, about an android who is trying to prove his humanity, is a retelling of Pinocchio, and my least favorite. Maybe because this topic has been done to death, and the story itself wasn’t really compelling. The acting, again, is fantastic, just…It doesn’t carry the story, which kinda sucked to begin with. However, it’s a small pimple on an otherwise flawless surface.

Sam Swope (John Hurt) has some explaining to do to the Discarded

I’ve included the opening sequence here, and although it doesn’t give away too much about the show itself, I liked the theme and Stephen Hawking’s voice-over accompaniment. Yeah, smartass, I KNOW he’s using a computer voice-box, it’s not his real voice. Keep the smarmy comments to yourself, until you dissect the universe into an award winning novel, then make a dumbed-down version for the masses, as well as be the teacher of the man who wrote “Contact” “Cosmos” and a squillion other things, your pitiful attempts at humor do NOT impress me.

Um. Sorry, I was raving again. Right. Masters of Science Fiction. Excellent DVD. Go get it. NOW.

Oh, by the way: Pay attention to the last few seconds of the clip where Hawking says “We invite you to join us on this great expedition”. You’ll see that little timeline take shape in a forthcoming novelette, a part of which has already been published here at Thick as Thieves in “A Matter of Time”. I saw that brief segment and something clicked. It made me create a time travel corridor that forms the basis of the story.

I’m calling it the “Slipstream”.